Stories from the Sanctuary

Vol. 3: October 2007, #2

What Masks Are You Hiding Behind?

by Victoria FittsMilgrim, Professional Certified Coach & Retreat Leader

          WITH THE advent of Halloween, the yearly tradition of draping cotton ball cobwebs, creating front lawn grave yards, and picking out masks to wear, trick or treating is here. (Just to get you into the Halloween spirit I’ve included a photo of  Max, decked out in full costume- I still can't quite figure out what he is supposed to be!)

Disguises and costumes are expected this time of year, but this gets me curious: what sort of masks do we tend to wear year round?

We all do it: we say what we don’t mean, put on a happy face when we’re crying inside, or pretend to love our friends’ new boyfriend when we really think he’s a creep. It has become commonplace to mask our emotions, hide how we really feel and say “yes” when we really mean “no”.  Authenticity is rare in our fast paced society so fond of immediate gratification, where it is expected to toss back a happy,  “Fine,” or “Great!” when someone asks, “How are you?”

One of the reasons clients from all walks of life come to coaching is to remember who they really are, what they really want, and what is truly important to them. It is a process to wind their way back to their authentic selves and drop the everyday masks. And it is scary to be that vulnerable, that seen, that known.

Sarah Breathnach said, “An authentic life is the most personal form of worship.” Take yourself through the questions below to tap into your authentic self and drop the masks you hide behind:

• What are the masks you most often wear? Think of what keeps you from showing up in full color at a party, when you disagree with someone, or when you really want something but aren't sure how to get it: this is likely one of the masks you wear.  Common masks people hide behind include:
  
  1. The Nice Girl/Guy
  2. Humor
  3. Pollyanna
  4. Politeness/Graciousness
  5. Clueless/Confusion -“I don’t know”
  6. Jerk/Bitch
  7. Spiritual Guru
  8. Being busy all the time - Busy Beaver
  9. Party Girl/Guy
• What purpose does the mask serve? Does it keep you safe? Deflect attention? Give you attention? Keep you from having to be vulnerable? Make you feel superior?
• What is the cost of wearing the mask? Do you feel isolated or lonely?  Do you feel like you never have space to express your fears or sadness? Are you truly connecting with others?
• Is the cost a price you’re willing to pay? Take a look at the benefits vs. costs and assess if this is a mask worth wearing. Or is it time and are you willing to let it drop?
• Why bother? Living an authentic life reaps many rewards including: intimacy, a sense of being truly known, breathing life into parts of yourself you forgot you had, feeling alive and so much more!

Victoria FittsMilgrim, PCC directs True Life Coaching & Retreats in Durango, CO. With over 25 years in the field of personal transformation she has been a Certified Coach/Retreat Leader since 2002. Her coaching and retreats offer a safe, loving and fun environment to come home to your True Self. Whether working with Victoria via 1:1 coaching, group coaching, taking one of her unique, nature-based retreats, or her Authentic Leadership programs, she is the real deal when it comes to sustainable and positive personal change.

Email Me or visit my website to learn more about True Life Coaching and Self Discovery Retreats.